Proof Enough

Walmart.  When I hear this word, I cringe.  My body shutters and I immediately feel dirty.  I’m not kidding.  I HATE THAT PLACE.  Everything in me wants to run screaming in the opposite direction if I ever have to set foot in that store.  (Granted, the one on the west side of town is way nice, but that doesn’t keep me from hating it). 

I know, I know, I know…..the prices are better, the food is cheaper, blah, blah, blah.  I DON’T CARE.  I will forever be a Target girl.  I will pay 6 cents more for my mascara!  

Whether you love it or hate it, you’ll love this web site!  And it’s exactly why I refuse to shop there.  (Make sure to read the captions under each photo!)

Loves

To steal this from my sister, she regularly posts the things she loves to keep a positive perspective on life.  So here are some things I’m lovin these days (in no particular order):

I LOVE

• baby smiles.  Tate is starting to smile when we talk to him and it’s so incredibly precious.  He smiles the most when his big brothers are around.  Love!
• my wonderful family.  We can’t go more than a day or so without seeing each other.  I’m so blessed and we have so much fun……TOO much fun.
• this CRAZY summer weather.  I hate the heat and being pregnant for most of the summer when it’s only been mid 80’s or less has been fabulous!
• Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman.  If you have not yet seen Long Way Down or Long Way Round, you must, you must, you must.  Josh and I spent the last month addicted to these amazing documentaries.  I almost cried when we watched the final episode (could be hormones, could be that it was THAT good).  Long Way Up coming next year.  YAY!
• a group of old friends from another life that we’ve recently reconnected with.  We have so much fun together (never a dull moment) and they have been a huge blessing and encouragement to us. 
• when Gavin and Liam sing together
• when Gavin and Liam play together
• my hard-working husband.  He has about 20 things on his plate right now, but he manages to stay sane and still have plenty of time for his family.  He never gets enough credit. 
• that fall is nearly upon us.  I LOVE fall clothes, chilly nights, the smell of fireplaces, the crunch of leaves.
• Liam playing t-ball. He’s really good!
• Cardinals games. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s so fun popping a bowl of popcorn and vegging out in front of the tv with the boys.
• middle of the night cuddles with Tate.  He sleeps in his bed the first half of the night and somehow he manages to end sleeping on me or Josh the rest of the night.  I don’t mind!
• the BLTA (bacon, lettuce, tomato, avacado) pizza from the Cafe.  OH. YUM.  My mouth waters every time I think about it (unfortunately I think it’s a seasonal dish and I probably ate it for the last time a few weeks ago).
• Ray Lamontagne.  Been groovin to his latest album. Lovely.
• (and most important) that God ALWAYS provides.

It’s No Wonder

So I took Baby Tate to his 2 week check-up yesterday (yes, he’ll be three weeks old tomorrow-that’s how we’re rollin these days).  He’s gained over 2 pounds and has grown 2 1/2 inches!!! Yikers! It’s no wonder he’s done nothing but sleep since we brought him home.  He also had a tad bit of jaundice when we left the hospital and the pediatrician who discharged us said I needed to have our doc check it out after a day or two of being home.  Did I do that?  Nope.  Luckily, our doctor said he looked fine yesterday.  (I’m such a good mom).

He’s finally filling out a bit-he was quite skinny, and Josh says he looks like a real baby now (not sure what he thought he looked like before).  Tate’s definitely more alert these days and is going through a lovely phase of not wanting to be put down.  I best be finding my Moby Wrap!

Baby Tate

Before little Tate was born, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t get behind on important things like blogging and reading (forget cleaning the house and laundry).  But, here we are, two weeks later and I haven’t posted a single picture of him yet.  So, pretend he was just born.  Introducing Tate Joshua-all 6lbs. 11 oz. , 19 inches of him.  He’s a tiny little peanut with a TON of black hair.  All of the boys have been born with a lot of dark hair, but it’s shocking every time when they have so much.  I’ve compared baby pics and determined that all three boys look identical at birth and someone said I should have just had triplets to get it all over with at once.  Poor planning on my part I guess.

When Liam and Gav came to the hospital for the first time, they each brought a toy from home to share with Baby Tate.  Liam chose one of his favorite fire engines.  So sweet!

Both boys were SO excited to hold Tate and check out his tiny little fingers and toes. 

And my favorite picture sums up life with two older brothers………………..

Everyone has asked how the transition has been for the two older boys and I have to say they’ve been pretty great.  Gav had a couple of “weepy” days where he’d just break down in tears and Liam has been a bit more naughty. These behaviors seem to have disappeared for the most part and both boys have been extra helpful. 

Tate is a champion sleeper and I usually have to wake him up to feed him. He’s very laid back and when he’s awake, he’s very content.  I couldn’t ask for a better baby!  (And I’m SO GLAD to not be pregnant anymore!)  We’ve managed to get out of the house almost every day and it feels good to be getting back into a routine.  So far so good!

Friends, Betty, and Other Cool Stuff

I first want to say a HUGE “THANK YOU” to our friends and family who’ve been so supportive of our new life ventures with Gavin.  We have such an AMAZING support group and without the dear people in our lives, we could not go down this road.  So, to all of you who’ve been behind us, and are going forward with us, we thank you!!

And I’d like to give a shout out to Betty Crocker for these!!

We have yet to try them (I plan to make the brownies Saturday) but all they require are eggs and water (not 6 different kinds of flour, xanthan gum, etc etc)!!  My kind of GF mix!  I’m assuming that since they’re Betty Crocker, they’re probably pretty dang good!  I’ll let you know!

On top of all these good things, I was able to have a REALLY good conversation today with a woman who thinks her 7 year old son might have autism.  It all started a month or so ago at my OB’s office (of all places).  I had been talking to the receptionist about our trip to MA and the whole Son-Rise program.  She told me that she herself had wondered if her nephew was, but wasn’t sure how to approach the issue with her sister.  Tough stuff indeed.  I encouraged her to just kindly talk to her about it and I promised to gather autism info for her to give to her sis.  So, at my appointment last week, she told me that she had been able to have a really good conversation with her sister and that the sister was willing to contact the school system to see what kind of testing her son could receive.  YAY! 

ANYWAY, I went in for my appointment today and the receptionist looks at me dumfounded and says, “My sister’s HERE for an appointment.  I didn’t know you were coming in!!!  You HAVE to talk to her!”  How cool is God that he coordinated all this to happen?   My appointment took way longer than it should have and I figured I’d probably missed her but there she was waiting for me when I walked out!  We had a good talk and I nudged her towards who she should call first, I encouraged her about starting the GF diet and I told her about the various testing we’ve done for Gavin.  She seemed encouraged and was open to asking questions.  We had such a long conversation that Josh called in the middle of it wondering if I was having the baby!   

This is exactly what we want to be doing for families just investigating autism.   Carrie (the sister) has my number, so now all I can do is hope that she has the courage to move forward and get her son the help he so desperately needs.

Big Changes Are Coming!

Sorry for such a gap in posting.  Things have been quite busy around here and from the looks of the calendar, it’s not going to be too calm anytime soon (“Baby No-Name” is due in about 2 weeks!!) 

Anyway, Gavin has been doing a lot better.  He has mostly come out of his regression (there are many times he still won’t let us call him by his name). Otherwise, the isming has pretty much ceased, he no longer looks out of the sides of his eyes, he’s been a lot more conversational, and using pretend play.  Whew!  That was a challenging last couple of weeks!

Since being at the Autism Institute, Josh and I have made some major life decisions regarding Gavin and our family in general.  The biggest decision we’ve made is that we will not be sending Gavin to the universal preschool this fall.  Instead we will be conducting a Son-Rise program in our home 2-4 hours per day for Gavin.  We already know that autism is a neurological disorder where children have trouble processing the world around them which affects their ability to communicate and interact socially.  That being said, the essence of the Son-Rise program is to meet these kids right where they’re at, be the most compelling person in their lives, and cause them to WANT to interact socially with us and others around them.  We first must enter their world before they can enter ours. 

The problem with the school system in general is that they’ve got it backwards.  Schools try to squelch the behavior and force children to be more “typical” by putting them in a typical classroom and doing typical things.  If we know that autistic kids have trouble processing the world around them, putting them in a hustling, bustling loud classroom is definitely not the best thing for them.  (I always thought Gavin’s classroom at Walnut Street was WAY too busy.  He was in a tiny classroom and all four walls were covered floor to ceiling with pictures, decorations, toys, you name it.  I was over-stimulated when I was there!  Think about how he felt day after day).  I know the schools are trying to do right by these kids, but the preschool he was to attend this fall is comprised of two teachers and 18 kids……a little much for a guy who has trouble when we have a houseful of people! 

Instead, we will be using a distraction free playroom (or Focus Room as they call it) in our home.  There will be nothing on the walls, no toys that make noise, and the best thing about this room is that Gavin will be in total control.  We will do whatever he wants and we’ll ism for an hour with him if that’s what he’s feeling.  The goal of the Focus Room is to work specifically on social development in four areas: eye contact, communication, attention span, and flexibility.  Because ultimately, when Gavin grows up, it’s way more important that he can interact socially than be a math or science whiz.  Right now, it’s not at all about the academic side of his education.  IT CAN’T BE.  When we look back and remember when Gavin USED to be autistic, it won’t matter if he needs a little catching up in school.  We can always hire a tutor.  That wouldn’t be so bad!

So, we’re taking the rest of the summer to prepare for the baby and just have fun.  We’ll start our Son-Rise program at the beginning of September for up to 4 hours every day.  With the help of some of our amazing friends and family, Gavin is going to have the time of his life (we hope!) and we cannot wait to look back and remember when.

Another exciting aspect to our trip, is that both Josh and I have felt God calling us to work with other families dealing with autism.  We have no idea what that will look like yet, but we know we’re supposed to do something.  Josh has also decided to go back to school to get his Master’s in Speech and Language Pathology.  There are SO many kids out there who are in need of therapy and there are HUGE waiting lists for a lot of these services (especially with autism on the rise).  He’s been researching schools (no we’re not moving) and has found some good programs that are nearby.  We are so excited to enter this new chapter in our lives and to share with others what is totally possible for their children.

Regression

Gavin has regressed.  A lot.  I’d say this is probably the most autistic I have ever seen him.  His verbal repetitions are very regular-lots of rote phrases and he won’t let us use his name EVER, he’s been “isming” (stimming) quite a bit, and he now does this thing where he looks at things with his head down or tilted at an angle.  He was starting to do that before we left and I was wondering if it may be time for a vision check  (I have horrible vision and started wearing glasses when I was 6, so it could possibly be his eyesight).   Or, it could just be that he’s been out of sorts all week and this is the result.

It’s not like he didn’t have an absolute fantastic time staying with Grandpa and Grandma or the lovely Saldanhas, but I think that it’s hard to understand what Massachusetts is when you’re 4 AND autistic.  So what if mommy and daddy went to MA.  What the heck is that?  So what if they’ll be back on Saturday.  When’s Saturday?  He struggles with concepts of time so informing him of when we’re coming back means nothing to him either. 

A few days before we left I told the boys what would be happening for the next week and I had begun to notice more repetitious behavior from Gavin starting then……I just didn’t realize it’d get so much worse over the week.  I figured we’d have to detox them from all the fun and excitement of the week and that maybe they’d be a little naughty for a while, but I never counted on this.  It’s really heartbreaking and it makes me want to cry.

We learned so much from the conference that I know we can pull him out of this quickly, but it saddens my heart that he’s crept more inside himself to find comfort in a situation he does not understand and cannot control.  He’ll be ok.  I’ll be ok.  It’s just going to take some time. 

(As a side note to my wonderful mom and sis, there is absolutely nothing you guys could have done differently to prevent this!  Please don’t blame yourselves!)

Josh Hijacked Emily’s Blog

Hello to all of Emily’s faithful readers!  Josh here.  I just wanted to give you some of my thoughts/observations from this week’s conference in bullet form.  (I will surely spill out more fully formed thoughts on you when we get home, hope you are ready)

~Emily and I have both found it very interesting to attend a “secular” conference.  We have both been to more christian conferences than we can count, but this is quite different.  I am thankful for hope.  Many of these people have had none until this week, it is nice to know the author of Hope (and no I don’t mean Barack).

~I have long held the opinion that Emily is the most beautiful pregnant woman in the history of pregnant women.  It was nice to have that confirmed by the numerous women who have come up and commented the same this week.

~How most schools/institutions/people approach Autism and treating autism is backwards.  A lot in our lives will change when we come home and some may not understand, but someday we are going to look back and say, “remember when Gavin was autistic?”

~Both Emily and I have commented how we want to help other families affected by autism.  I just happen to be reading a book recommended by a good friend called “Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne.  I don’t think it is coincidence that this book has been in my hands at this precise moment

~God gave me and awesome opportunity to be a light for him that is too long for me to write about here, but I’ll be happy to tell you about if you ask.

~I have talked to everyone from single moms to couples who have NO support system.  Because of distance or just having no family or friends who are able or willing to be a support to them.  I AM SO THANKFUL for our family and friends, you who are reading this, who have given us so much love, acceptance, & support.  We don’t take you for granted!

~There are two people in particular who deserve their own bullet point for this one.  Mom, I cannot ever put into words what your endless love, patience, prayers, acts of service, & joy have meant to us.  Katie, here they call it the “3 E’s” here.  Energy, Excitement, Enthusiasm, and it is one of the key things we need to have w/ everything we do in order to recover our kids from autism………and God gave us Katie    There are so many of this programs principles that our family already does, just by nature!

Just Pretty Pictures

Ok, so I gave up trying to keep up with the days and all that we’ve been learning.  I’ll add bits and pieces here and there, but there really hasn’t been a lot of down time to process things yet, so I’m having trouble keeping up with the blogs.  BUT, here are some pics we’ve taken so you can get a better idea of why I could totally live in MA!

 A view from one of our meeting houses.  We are surrounded by trees and mountains and gorgeousness in every direction.

This is the main house on campus.  The offices are here and I think people live here as well.  I actually haven’t been inside, but OH MY!

Right outside the house we’re staying in-it’s the most peaceful sound in the world!

The house we’re staying in with about 10 other people.

 I thought this was really cool.  Every child that is represented this week has their picture on the wall (there’s another wall of pictures on the opposite side of the room).  It’s so fun to meet the parents and actually get to see the child we’re talking about all week.  Precious!  (There’s one mom here who has 3 children on the spectrum!)

 And last, this is where Josh and I have decided to send our boys to high school.

The Berkshire School.  Doesn’t it just look expensive????   $42,500/per child a year expensive!  BUT, if we don’t board the boys, then it’s only $32,000 a year.  Not bad (but an EXTREMELY long commute!)  ;)

 

Day 2: First Day of Classes

I have to start off by saying my brain feels like mush.  We had class from 8:30-4:30 all day yesterday in which they crammed a TON of stuff in our heads.  I will try to verbalize some of the cool things we learned or were reminded of but I know I won’t be able to cover it all.

One of the biggest reminders for me was that it’s all about attitude.   Gavin is the same today as he was when he was diagnosed.  He hasn’t changed (well, he’s grown and developed by leaps and bounds).  What I’m talking about is his personality…who HE is as a person hasn’t changed.  Autism doesn’t define who he is.  He’s Gavin.  Wonderful, sweet, loving, charming Gavin.  I can’t be worried about Gavin tomorrow or Gavin in the future.  I have to live IN THE NOW with him. 

The biggest thing I can do for Gavin right now is change how I look at things.  All things….all situations.  I cannot let a situation control me.  I must be in control of how I react to a situation (this goes so much farther than just how I react to Gavin).  What I believe about a situation will determine how I react to it.  If I’m always looking at something negatively (which I tend to do) then I will react negatively in most cases (and regret it later!)  I can’t change what happens, but I can most definitely change how I react.  Even though I know all this, it’s great to get a gentle reminder!

Not to bore you with conference notes, some other interesting tid bits:      

• It’s FREEZING here!  We did not pack well (surprising, since it seems like we brought everything we own!)
• Most of the people here have one child.  I find this extremely interesting.  Because their firstborn has autism, they decided not to have any more children.  I find that sad and kind of depressing.  What if we had stopped at Gavin? 
• There are 30 states and 13 countries(!) represented at this conference.  There are a total of 106 people and it has been amazing getting to know people from other places who are going through the same things we do with Gavin.  It’s very empowering and inspiring!

That’s all for now.  My brain is tired……and I’m hungry.                      

(The boys are doing great…….hope you’re following what they’re up to!)